An Alberta\u00a0cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.<\/p>\n
‘Have you ever done anything of particular merit?’ St. Peter asked.<\/p>\n
‘Well, I can think of one thing,’ the cowboy offered.<\/p>\n
‘Once, on a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a
\ngang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them
\nto leave her alone, but they wouldn’t listen. So, I approached the largest
\nand most heavily tattooed biker and punched him in his face, ripped out
\nhis nose ring, and threw it on the ground,and kicked his bike over.<\/p>\n
Then I yelled, ‘Now, back off…or I’ll kick the\u00a0*&#@ out of all of you!’<\/p>\n
St. Peter was impressed, ‘When did this happen?’<\/p>\n
The cowboy said……’Just a couple minutes ago…’<\/p>\n
***************************<\/p>\n
\u00a0One day a mother was out and the dad was in charge. The\u00a0little one was maybe one and a half years old. Someone had\u00a0given her a little tea set as a gift and it was one of her\u00a0favorite toys.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n
Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news\u00a0when she brought Daddy a little cup of ‘tea’, which was\u00a0just water.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n
After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy\u00a0tea, Mom came home.\u00a0 Dad made her wait in the living room\u00a0to watch the toddler bring him a cup of tea, because it was\u00a0‘just the cutest thing!’\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n
Mom waited, and sure enough, here comes baby down the hall\u00a0with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it\u00a0up, then says, ‘Did it ever occur to you that the only place\u00a0that baby can reach to get water is the toilet?’<\/p>\n
*****************************<\/p>\n
Our co-worker kept trying to get her mother to fly out for\u00a0a visit. “No way am I getting on an airplane,” was the inevitable answer.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n
“Look, Mom, when it’s your time to go, it doesn’t matter\u00a0if you’re on the ground or in the air.”\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n
“I know,” said her mother. “I just don’t want to be that\u00a0far off the ground when it’s the pilot’s time to go.”<\/p>\n
****************************<\/p>\n
Two older, successful businessmen met at a resort. One who\u00a0had recently retired was describing his life, “I get up late\u00a0in the morning, have a light breakfast and then I lie down\u00a0on my veranda for a few hours and relax.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n
In the afternoon I go inside for lunch, have a great salad,\u00a0fruits and cold fish, then I spend the rest of the afternoon\u00a0boating or playing golf or tennis…\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n
When it starts to get dark I have a great dinner with the\u00a0finest wines. I smoke a Cuban cigar. Then I go lie on my\u00a0veranda again.”\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n
The other gentleman acknowledges that this is a life to be\u00a0envied. Later he reported the conversation to his wife. She\u00a0asked, “What’s his wife’s name?”\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n
Her husband said, “I’m not sure, but I think it’s Veranda.”<\/p>\n
*****************************<\/p>\n
Over dinner, Jill said to John, “I met this horrible and\u00a0rude man downtown this morning, and right away I knew he\u00a0was a troublemaker. He started to insult me; he used really\u00a0bad language; he even threatened me!”\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n
“How did you meet this fellow?” John asked, very concerned.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n
Jill said, “Well, we met by accident. I hit him with the car.”<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
***************************<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
An Alberta\u00a0cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. ‘Have you ever done anything of particular merit?’ St. Peter asked. ‘Well, I can think of one thing,’ the cowboy […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[41],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\n