After I asked for a half-pound trout fillet at my super-
\nmarket’s seafood counter, the clerk picked one out of a pile
\nand set it on the scale. It weighed precisely eight ounces.<\/p>\n
Impressed, I asked, “How did you know which one to pick?”<\/p>\n
Looking pleased with himself, he declared, “I’m psychotic.”
\n——————————-<\/p>\n
Panicking when her toddler swallowed a tiny magnet; my
\nsister, Betty, rushed him to the emergency room.<\/p>\n
“He’ll be fine,” the doctor promised her. “The magnet should
\npass through his system in a day or two.”<\/p>\n
“How will I be sure?” she pressed.<\/p>\n
“Well,” the doctor suggested, “you could stick him on the
\nrefrigerator. When he falls off, you’ll know.”
\n———————————-
\nOur first day at a resort my wife and I decided to hit the
\nbeach. When I went back to our room to get something to
\ndrink, one of the hotel maids was making our bed. I grabbed
\nmy cooler and was on my way out when I paused and asked,
\n“Can we drink beer on the beach?”<\/p>\n
“Sure,” she said, “but I have to finish the rest of the
\nrooms first.”
\n———————————–
\nMy partner and I pulled our police cruiser up behind a car
\nstopped on the shoulder of the highway. We got out and asked
\nthe driver if we could help. No, he replied, there was no
\ntrouble; he had just stopped to look at a map. When we turned
\nback, we noticed that his German shepherd had jumped in the
\nopen passenger-side front window of our car.<\/p>\n
“You may think there’s no trouble,” I smiled, “but your dog
\nobviously thinks he’s done something wrong. He’s in our patrol
\ncar.”<\/p>\n
He laughed. “He probably thinks you’ve come to take him to
\nwork,” he replied. “He’s a retired police dog.”
\n—————————————
\nShe had been thinking about coloring her hair. One day while
\ngoing through a magazine, she came across an ad for a hair
\ncoloring product featuring a beautiful young model with hair
\na shade that she liked.<\/p>\n
Wanting a second opinion, she asked her husband, “How do you
\nthink this color would look on a face with a few wrinkles?”<\/p>\n
He looked at the picture, crumbled it up, straightened it
\nout and studied it again. “Just great, hon.”<\/p>\n
——————————————-<\/p>\n
Sam and Ruth from Maine had just bought a new car when winter
\nhit with all its fury. “I wonder if the car has seat warmers,”
\nRuth wondered.<\/p>\n
“It sure does,” said Sam, looking through the owner’s manual.
\n“Here it is…rear defrosters.”
\n——————————————<\/p>\n
The young man entered the Ice Cream Palace and asked, “What
\nkinds of ice cream do you have?”<\/p>\n
“Vanilla, chocolate, strawberry,” the girl wheezed as she
\nspoke, patted her chest and seemed unable to continue.<\/p>\n
“Do you have laryngitis?” the man asked sympathetically.<\/p>\n
“Nope,” she whispered, “just vanilla, chocolate and straw-
\nberry.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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