{"id":6792,"date":"2021-12-30T01:34:14","date_gmt":"2021-12-30T01:34:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sharynrose.com\/?p=6792"},"modified":"2021-12-30T01:41:43","modified_gmt":"2021-12-30T01:41:43","slug":"ep-2-crazy-relatives-and-bumpy-marriages-why-bother","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sharynrose.com\/ep-2-crazy-relatives-and-bumpy-marriages-why-bother\/","title":{"rendered":"Ep: 2 Crazy Relatives And Bumpy Marriages &#8211; Why Bother?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/anchor.fm\/sharyn-rose9\/embed\/episodes\/Ep-2-Crazy-Relatives-And-Bumpy-Marriages---Why-Bother-e164nqf\" height=\"160px\" width=\"400px\" frameborder=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\"><\/iframe>\n\n\n\n<p>Episode:2 Transcript <\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Intro <\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Jennifer Gunson 0:02<br>Welcome to Medium Well with Psychic Sharyn Rose. In today&#8217;s episode, have you ever sat there and thought about the people in your lives, either relatives or people in your community and wondered why they&#8217;re part of your life or you cross paths with different people?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Or why some people are odd? Well, Sharyn&#8217;s going to discuss that in this next episode. Why do we choose the partners that we do?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Why do some of us keep repeating the same mistakes over and over when it comes to finding a romantic partner? Well, don&#8217;t worry, Sharyn&#8217;s going to help us break the cycle, and be more aware of why we choose the people we choose to have relationships with.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So let&#8217;s get started.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">What Makes People Change?  <\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Sharyn 0:50<br>Well, hello, again, here we are with another episode of medium well, with psychic Sharyn rose. I appreciate having you guys here. I appreciate you listening to the podcast. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Today, we&#8217;re going to talk about those people in your world. You tell me, have you ever had a friend that you befriended and all of a sudden they just kind of changed and they became this weird person? That you think, how come I ended up with that person?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Have you ever had a boss that came across real sweet and nice when you&#8217;re hired and then turned into an ogre?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Marriages are huge and when it comes to relationships, let&#8217;s face it, we don&#8217;t have any kind of guidebook. We have to use our instincts, our intuition.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>There are lots of guide books out there that say, oh, yeah, I hear you read this, or take this course or do this and you&#8217;ll be an expert in relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I can tell you from my experience, that that&#8217;s not the case. And let me tell you why that is. Because we&#8217;re human. We&#8217;re so having a human experience. But we&#8217;re human primarily.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Why Are Relationships So Complicated? <\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>When it comes to relationships. That&#8217;s the part of us that engages a lot. We look at the emotional impact someone&#8217;s having on us, the mental impact they&#8217;re having on us the physical impact, I mean, are they hot, are they not?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Then we look at the spiritual impact. Growing up in a capitalistic materialistic culture as we have, it&#8217;s really come down to the emotional, mental and physical.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Then the spiritual tend to come in a little bit afterwards unless you&#8217;re an aware enlightened, a little bit awake, kind of person.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Relationships for humans are courses. That&#8217;s a funny way to put it isn&#8217;t in their courses. They&#8217;re like a learning ground for you to grow and so if you want to learn how to have a good relationship, the best way is to dive right in, dive right into what you think is going to work. But then do your homework.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Always take a minute to step back and say, why when something goes wrong, say why when something impacts you say why or why me? Or why now?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Why Do Relationships Change After While? <\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>So let me give you some examples. When I married my first husband, he is a wonderful man. And by the way to this day, he is one of my best friends. I adore him. I absolutely adore him. But we were not really designed to be married to one another.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>However, being married to him, I learned so very, very much. And let me tell you how that all started out. When we met, I met him through his brother who was already a friend of a group that I was hanging out with.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When we met, I didn&#8217;t believe they were brothers. But I thought wow, this guy&#8217;s really sexy. Does that sound shallow? Uh-huh. It sure does.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Because that was me back then. Way back then. I was shallow, I was all about the physical. I didn&#8217;t even pay attention to what the emotional balance was with anybody or what their mental state was. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I was all about the physical and he was such a good-looking man. He&#8217;s still is today and he&#8217;s still a good friend of mine. He has married again and I love his wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>He gets along well with my husband, so we&#8217;re all good. However, when we met, I wasn&#8217;t looking at any other capacity except the physical.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>There was another component that was going on as well. I had not had really strong relationships with family. I wanted to be married. I wanted to have children. But more than anything in the world. I wanted someone to love me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">How Does Your Childhood Affect Your Relationships?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>I felt terribly unlovable. I was 19 years old. I was 18 when I met him, I just was so insecure.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When I looked at 18 year-olds today, I kind of go oh, well no wonder you are insecure. 18-year-olds are insecure. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It&#8217;s because I came out of an environment where I did not feel appreciated. I didn&#8217;t feel loved. I didn&#8217;t feel wanted. And I came away with some crippling thoughts like, I was stupid, I was ugly, I had nothing going for me I was a loser, I was just a bum. And if I didn&#8217;t have a relationship, then I was really truly unloved.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Some of that&#8217;s generational, but some because I&#8217;m a baby boomer, but some of it is also about the way that I grew up in the way I formed my ideals around who I was and what my identity was.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So I meet this man who&#8217;s really good-looking. Now, I think he&#8217;s really good-looking. And he&#8217;s funny, and I actually honestly cannot tell you what the qualities really were in him. Because I didn&#8217;t pay attention to that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>All I decided to do was set my sights on him because when I got to know a little bit more about his family, I realized he had this big family, a whole lot of people. Also, I thought for sure that if I married him, somebody in the family would like me. Now that&#8217;s kind of pathetic, isn&#8217;t that and it&#8217;s a stupid reason to marry anybody. But that was one of the things I was looking for.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I was incredibly lonely. I had just not that long before I met him, gotten on a Greyhound bus with a suitcase and crossed the Rocky Mountains from one province to the other. And I never looked back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So I didn&#8217;t have family around me at all. I had absolutely no one. I was rebuilding my world. And he was the first step I took. That might sound really funny to a lot of people. But I can tell you this when we met it was in the Wintertime.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I met him around 1970. Then in 1971, in the Spring, I went on a trip to Hawaii with my cousin, a friend of mine, and he and I were dating. And I went on this trip and I had so much fun and while I was in Hawaii,<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You know, I got into a little bit of mischief. I mean, it was in March. And so there was the green beer day, whatever that one&#8217;s called. That happened while we were there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The military was all over Hawaii. So they were just partying it up everywhere. And we met people and went on a motorbike tour around the island. And there were all kinds of things that I did.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You would never have known when I went on that trip that I had a boyfriend back home. Now those were the days of promiscuity. I wasn&#8217;t that girl. I was well, I mean somewhere. But I wasn&#8217;t that girl. I was kind of I was known as the ice queen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So I wasn&#8217;t all that friendly, I guess. So it wasn&#8217;t a promiscuous trip that I was on. It was just a flirty, a bit. And when I got back home, he picked me up at the airport. When I got back home, and a week later, he proposed to me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I thought, oh my goodness, do you know, this guy? Well, I knew he was stable. I knew that he had a good job because he worked in the family business. What I liked a lot about his family. And I knew that if I married him, I&#8217;d have a big family that would have my back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So I said yes and so we got married the following August, we got married in 1972. And our marriage lasted for seven years. By 1979. Everything had fallen apart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">What Are The Signs A relationship Is Over?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>I never took the time when everything fell by this time, we&#8217;ve got two boys as well. And I never took the time to really look at why did I marry this guy besides wanting to have a big family that was front and center. I saw that cover and I knew that I was excited about that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But again, there was also another cultural difference too, because I grew up in English Canada, and he was primarily French Canada.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So there were some cultural challenges there as well. I always prided myself because my father was French and my mother was Irish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I always prided myself on the fact that I was French and that I could speak French a little bit. We weren&#8217;t allowed to speak at home, but I was able to speak a little bit with what I have learned in school and my French teacher loved me and so I thought I was a real full-blown Frenchman well move into a community where primarily the language is French and I did I lived in a very small community that was primarily French in Alberta.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I didn&#8217;t speak French fluently enough to be able to communicate with some of the people who didn&#8217;t ever learn to speak English.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Those are primarily the older people like his mom and his aunts and the older people, like getting along with his mom, great. She&#8217;s managed to teach me how to cook and can a lot of foods.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>He was an amazing cook. Amazing canner and I absolutely loved the family. I absolutely loved the family. But I found myself in a relationship that really wasn&#8217;t a match. He had different ideas than I did.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>He had different goals and I did in a different lifestyle than I wanted. He had different biases. He seemed to have more of a negative mindset and wasn&#8217;t as positive as mine. Also, back in the day, I was easily influenced and I found myself being kind of dragged down by the fact that he seemed negative a lot of the time. He also always really worried a lot about money and I never had worried about that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I&#8217;d always known that I would make enough money to do what I needed to do. I always did. I work since I was 12 years old? And so our values were very different as well. But why did I marry him? So here I am, all of a sudden living in the city of Edmonton, on my own with two children, and no husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">How Does Psychology Play A Role In Relationships?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>I&#8217;ve got a great job because I went to work in real estate, and I&#8217;m trying to identify what went wrong. I started seeing a psychologist, which made it very clear that I was trying to run away from my past, I was running, running, running, running, I wasn&#8217;t paying attention to what I really needed. I was just running.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I was trying to cover up is like putting bandages on wounds. I was trying to cover up the hurts that I had, that I was experiencing. And I still held from my growing up years as a young girl in northern BC. And I tried to do that by marrying this man.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But everything I did, it seemed like that&#8217;s all the things I was trying to prove to the world. I was worthy. And so when I went to see, Dr. Harshman was his name in Edmonton, fabulous psychologist, wonderful man, what came down was basically all this unpacking of the story of my life around my growing up years, and my belief in the fact that I was unworthy, and I didn&#8217;t deserve etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Meanwhile, I&#8217;m struggling with raising my own children, because when my oldest son would get contrary, and he was contrary, my oldest son was contrary from the day he was born, which was a challenge for me. He&#8217;s today one of my best friends.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I pray that any of you that have contrary children out there, work your butt off to build those relationships because it&#8217;s worth it. He is an amazing man.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But when he was young, and I was raising him, it was really challenging because my parenting skills were a mimic of the parenting skills that I had learned from my own upbringing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So I had to unpack that too, I realized that it wasn&#8217;t all just me. It wasn&#8217;t just me. I wasn&#8217;t just crazy. I wasn&#8217;t a wreck, I wasn&#8217;t a mess, I had some quality, there were some skills there. There were things that I was good at. I wasn&#8217;t all that ugly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I wasn&#8217;t all that stupid. And I was really starting to find some value in who I was. But the marriage breakdown really threw me as well, because I felt like I had failed. That was just another piece of the feeling of failure, I&#8217;d had my whole life feeling like a failure as a daughter, failure as a sister failure as a friend, failure now as a wife, and feeling like a failure as a mother because I was struggling with these relationships of my children and it took some unpacking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You&#8217;re going to have things that you learned about yourself that are not going to be accurate, but you believe, but they&#8217;re stories you were told by other people about who you are, and what you do, and what your worth is, and you have to drop it all. And you have to step away from the need for their good opinion. You have to step away from the need for others to value you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">How Do We Define Ourselves?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>You have to step into your own value. And you have to step into identifying your own worth. And that&#8217;s what I was doing and so what happened was I became the extreme opposite. I thought, well, I&#8217;m successful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Now I was successful in real estate, I did really well. What I learned was that I had gotten into that relationship because I was needy because I was feeling unworthy because I didn&#8217;t feel like I had the power to make choices. I thought I had to do what everybody else wanted and said, So I married a man who was somewhat dominant. So I went into the extreme opposite situation, I ended up marrying again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I married a man who didn&#8217;t want to make any decisions and who had some addiction issues. Well, that was me saving the world. That was me saying, Look at me, I&#8217;ve grown up. I&#8217;m a big girl now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So here, I&#8217;m going to save you, you can see how that would work. Right? So there I went, the pendulum swung from one extreme to the other. Now, why did I do that? Why did I go into a relationship where I was trying to save this guy? What was it about him that was so special? Well, I was able to feel like I was more powerful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I already felt I had been disempowered most of my life. I got into a relationship and a marriage where I felt I was disempowered because money was ruled in that relationship. And I didn&#8217;t want that I wanted me to rule I want it to be appreciated, and I want it to be loved.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>At least that&#8217;s what I thought, of course, sometimes you think that&#8217;s what you&#8217;re there for. But it&#8217;s not what you&#8217;re there for. I was looking to fit in somewhere. And so I married somebody who didn&#8217;t want to make any decisions and had some addiction issues and really wanted me to run his life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I did. I stepped in I took over and I ran his life. But boy did that get boring fast. And I&#8217;ll tell you what, that was not a healthy relationship, either. Because it took a while for me to identify that, hey, your addictions are at a point where either you clean it up or I&#8217;m out the door.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When I did that he cleaned it up. Now if he hadn&#8217;t made a different choice if he&#8217;d gone in a different direction, I don&#8217;t know if I would have left. I don&#8217;t think I would have been strong enough because I was still at a place where I still had self-esteem issues.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I was literally using him as my ladder to propel myself to a place where I could see myself as worthy. And the only way I could do that was by him being acting and, and missing him as unworthy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>He was worthy of my teachings and guidance, but he wasn&#8217;t worthy of my love. That&#8217;s a terrible thing to say, isn&#8217;t it, but we were married for 11 years. And he did get sober, he got clean, everything cleared up for him, there were a lot of really crazy experiences.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">What Do Relationships Bring To Your Life?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>I learned probably more, in that very contrary relationship, because we had become friends.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When we got married, we were friends first. So that was a good start. But through the marriage, it was very bumpy, because he had to go through all of these changes himself and in the process, so did I.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But I learned so much in the journey, I turned around again and said, Why, why did I marry this man?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It&#8217;s the hey did I marry this man and get involved in this man that actually helped me move away from those relationships into healthier relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The why that came back to me then was I was trying to prove still that I was worthy. I had become afraid that if I was to be involved with somebody who was my equal, they would overpower me, they would take over, they would disempower me, and I wouldn&#8217;t know how to hang on to my own self worth again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So I had to marry somebody who I saw as being beneath me. Now, let me tell you something. This man was incredibly intelligent, very smart. He worked on Labor&#8217;s job.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But he was very, very intelligent as if he hadn&#8217;t gotten into addictions, he would have gone really far in college or university. He just followed the wrong crowd when he was young.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Anyways, so that marriage fell apart. And he just kind of disappeared, he there was no further once I was through with that relationship, the way I ended, that relationship was basically well, you&#8217;re clean and sober.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Now I&#8217;ve done what I came to do, it&#8217;s time for me to go and now look out for me. That was just the strangest thing in the world. Because I went through another phase, where I all of a sudden, wanted to be free and wanted to be single.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>My kids were older, now they&#8217;re in their teens. They were able to take care of themselves. I had done a good job raising them. I hadn&#8217;t been a perfect parent, but I&#8217;ve forgiven myself for that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I have completely let go of the need to parent. I love my boys. They&#8217;re amazing. And they&#8217;re best friends with me now where we&#8217;re close, I ended up single for a while. And then I met another guy who started a business and this guy was Mr. Take control.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This was exactly the man that I was afraid of this was the man that I didn&#8217;t want to be involved with because he would take over my life. And I was like, No, I&#8217;m not going to do this. But all my goodness, he was so sexy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>That&#8217;s so I remember me saying I really went for the physical, I still hadn&#8217;t figured out emotional and mental and spiritual work components that really mattered in a relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">How Do I know I&#8217;m In The Right Relationship?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>As we got going in a relationship, he really wanted to leave the work he was doing, and come to work with me. I had an entertainment company. And I said, No, you&#8217;re not going to do that. Because you&#8217;re going to take over, I just know your character you&#8217;re going to take over.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>No, I don&#8217;t want that and it was always a power battle between the two of us, but I couldn&#8217;t let him go.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When I look back now, I&#8217;m still married to him. I&#8217;ve been married to them for 30 years. So we&#8217;ve been together since 92. Yeah. 1992 and is 2021.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Now, so 30 years next year, this guy has become my best friend. When I met him, he was very much what would be called a player.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I can remember when I met him, that there was one of the girls that I worked with said, Are you dating Dave and I went, Yeah, I kind of am we&#8217;re just sort of starting to see each other. You be careful, he&#8217;s gonna break your heart, he breaks everybody&#8217;s heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This is perfect because I don&#8217;t have to get serious about this guy because he&#8217;s a player. But it turns out, he wasn&#8217;t such a player.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>He was a man looking for a place to land. He was also looking he and he had some of the same exact issues I did but in a male form.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So both of us came together and we are our self-esteem issues and our self-worth issues slapped us both in the face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Of course, we have power issues too, because he wants to control I want to control. I want to be boss, he wants to be boss. But he taught me how to relax, how to let go, how to play.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I taught him how to step it up, how to work and be responsible. And together we built a beautiful, fantastic life. We&#8217;re both successful. We&#8217;ve both have had great experiences. We&#8217;ve travelled around the world together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>We&#8217;ve discovered passions together we cook in the kitchen together. There are so many things that we love, but through it all, all of the things that slapped me in the face with the other relationships I had, I had to resolve and I did it with him while being in the relationship with him through going to various courses taking various we together have gone to counselling.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>We went to some couples counselling, which was really fun. We laughed our way through that whole process. For some reason, we seem to think we were beyond that, I kind of think we were.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Sometimes you get in settings where it&#8217;s just, it&#8217;s just really fun. But the simple fact of the matter is, you have to always turn around and say, Why am I drawn into this?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>What is it in me that&#8217;s attracting this? So what I have learned through my journey is that my neediness and my feeling of unworthiness were really standing in the way of me being happy of me having a relationship that I could be balanced with.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Here&#8217;s why, because you&#8217;re going to attract what you are, you&#8217;re going to attract to you exactly what matches the way your thought process is, you&#8217;re going to attract that and draw that in and that&#8217;s why he attracted me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I attracted him because we had some similar thought processes. He didn&#8217;t want anybody controlling him. But he also didn&#8217;t really want to make all the decisions. So he was a really good blend, and more of the two men, because there was some compatibility in both my previous husbands, but this one, was the best match.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Is Waiting For The Right Person Worth It?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>This has been of the three relationships, the most challenging, and the most difficult at times. It was the most fun, and the most wonderful, and the most beautiful relationship I&#8217;ve ever had.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Now, that sort of makes you stop and say, Well, gosh, I don&#8217;t know if I want to work that hard. It&#8217;s so worth it. If you&#8217;ve got somebody that you can say, He&#8217;s got my back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But if I push him beyond the respect, if I push him too hard, he loses respect for me, he&#8217;ll walk, if I push him where he thinks I&#8217;ve lost respect for him, he&#8217;ll walk, I have to be very careful here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Because he refuses, there was one thing he didn&#8217;t do, he didn&#8217;t compromise himself so that I would be happy. He didn&#8217;t do that. But I would do that on a regular. So that was where we were, we were different. That&#8217;s where he&#8217;s, you know, he&#8217;s, Mr. Ground beef, and all Turkey, were different in that regard. He didn&#8217;t compromise himself. But he did grow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I&#8217;ve grown as well, with the relatives that you&#8217;re born with. They&#8217;re the ones that set the tone, the parents that you have, and the siblings that you have, they&#8217;re the ones that set the tone for relationships down the road.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If you come away from your primary home, your core family, with feelings of unworthiness or feelings of discomfort or feelings of devalued feelings of not being good enough, not being smart enough, bright enough, pretty enough, capable enough, if you come away, and it&#8217;s deep-seated, you have to unpack that, are you going to attract that same person.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If you don&#8217;t attract that same person, you&#8217;re going to do what I did in marriage? Number two, you&#8217;re going to attract somebody that won&#8217;t question that brokenness in you because you&#8217;re fixing them. They&#8217;re more broken than you are. And that&#8217;s where addicts can come into the picture.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Now, why is it that some families have addicts in their relationships, and I don&#8217;t think I know too many families don&#8217;t have families with addictive issues? My family dealt with addictive issues, we all have addictions to something in my family, as siblings, both my brothers are alcoholics, one of them stopped drinking, he was there were different kinds of alcoholics.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Can A Relationship Change You For The Better?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>One of them stopped drinking and got clean and dry, and the other one died of addiction. Addiction is work. That&#8217;s why my husband was so good for me because I was addicted to work. I wasn&#8217;t allowing myself ever to have fun.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I had this idea in my head that I could, I could always have a great relationship, or I could have a great business, but I could never have both.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So I was in conflict myself, I would sabotage my relationships to build my business. And if you remember what I said, my first husband, I went into real estate, and I became a very good realtor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But my marriage was already on the rocks. My marriage failed completely after that because I thought one worked. But the other didn&#8217;t. I couldn&#8217;t have both. I believed I couldn&#8217;t have both.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>With my second husband, I had a heck of a time keeping financially afloat, because I was trying to have a successful relationship. So it had not seemed like my capability to work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Just didn&#8217;t seem to pan out real well, until the end of the relationship when it had already failed. And then I was able to go ahead because the relationship is on the rocks anyway, what you want to do is when you come through relationships, you want to sit down and if you&#8217;re having struggles with getting into a relationship, you want to look at your core first.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>What&#8217;s your relationship with your mother? What&#8217;s your relationship with your father? What was the relationship with your very first boyfriend? What kind of free first boyfriend did you have? I remember at high school really liking this one guy. His name was Alan high.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I liked him so much. But as soon as he turned around and liked me, I didn&#8217;t like him anymore. And it was because I was afraid he was really seriously liked me and I didn&#8217;t feel like I was worthy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I thought anybody that liked me they were dumb. They were stupid because I wasn&#8217;t worth it. Like, if I can convince you like me, that just means I&#8217;m a good shyster, doesn&#8217;t it? Just means I&#8217;m a good con man.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Or I can talk fast and do talk well But in fact, it was just I was, I was terrified of emotions, I was terrified of getting involved with anybody that had real emotions, and really came away from high school with no serious relationship under my belt at all, you have to always go back to your core family have to take a look at what your relationships looked like when you were young.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Now what they look like now that you&#8217;ve done all kinds of work, and there are all kinds of bandages on them, take those bandages off, just peel them off and take a look at that, that core family. And then you have to look at the relationships you have built on and off and why they how they failed and came to be and how they failed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>There are so many people that continue doing the same thing. And I can&#8217;t remember who said it might have been Einstein. If you continue doing the same thing over and over, you&#8217;re gonna get the same result.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Why Do We Repeat Relationship Patterns?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>That&#8217;s what happens in relationships, too. And it&#8217;s insane how some people will continue drawing to them the same kind of person, then they kind of see somebody like me, and they say, Why? Why did I have that?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Or why did I have you know why to Joe, I thought I got rid of that issue with whatever the issue is. And now I&#8217;m with Pete, and it&#8217;s the same exact thing, what&#8217;s wrong, how come I can&#8217;t seem to find a nice guy, or how come I can&#8217;t seem to find a nice girl.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It&#8217;s going right back to that you&#8217;ve got to unpack, and you&#8217;ve got to take a serious, hard look at yourself, and what you were taught about relationships as you were growing up because your relationships are based on your self-identity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If your relationship with yourself is unhealthy, your relationship with others is going to be unhealthy, too. And if you have a fear of intimacy, generally that fears because you don&#8217;t want to open up and allow yourself to take the risk of being hurt, because you&#8217;ve been hurt so much.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It takes some time sitting with a professional, somebody that&#8217;s in psychology or psychiatry, or even coming and seeing somebody like me, I have a background, some training in psychology and in sociology.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I&#8217;ve done a bit of work in that field, as well as in the spiritual sciences that have really lent themselves well to the work that I&#8217;m doing now. Because I do work with a lot of people with relationships. And I don&#8217;t think it&#8217;s right that you have to put your head down on a couch for 12 months and cry your eyes out to relive all these relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>That&#8217;s not right. But what I do believe is that spiritually, you can move past all of this, but you need the tools, you need the training and that&#8217;s what it&#8217;s about tools.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Now, that&#8217;s what&#8217;s been missing for a lot of people is they don&#8217;t have any good tools, emotional, mental or physical tools to deal with the adversities that come up in their relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So they&#8217;ll shut down some people will have to get into a confrontation with their partner, that they&#8217;ll walk away, they&#8217;ll shut down and they&#8217;ll walk away. That doesn&#8217;t resolve anything. Some people get into a confrontation and they&#8217;re really busy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>They want to be right. They don&#8217;t care how mean they are, they want to be right. So they yell and scream, and they jump up and down because they want to be right.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">How Do I Break My Relationship Cycle?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Don&#8217;t even know if they make sense anymore. Some people get into a confrontation with their partners, and they will get very physically violent, it&#8217;s women and men. That&#8217;s their way of saying I&#8217;m 12 years old, I can&#8217;t cope with this adult know-how and that&#8217;s where they got emotionally stuck.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Oftentimes, when people come to see me, I will help them identify where did they emotionally get stuck in their lifetime. And often the ages between 10 and 14 are primary. That&#8217;s when young people are starting to identify who they are. They&#8217;re trying to exert their independence a little bit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>They&#8217;re moving from childhood into their teen years. And they&#8217;re socially very active. That&#8217;s when I can start really looking at what was happening to you in those years. Oftentimes, there was a divorce or there was a move or there was a grandfather died or a grandmother died, or there was some trauma that happened that has impacted them as well as their self-worth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So that all play a role. We come from a generation as well, the baby boom generation has been riddled with divorce. I mentioned I&#8217;ve been married three times. Do you think my kids had an easy time with that they didn&#8217;t and did it impact them?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>One of my sons has been in several relationships. He&#8217;s been married twice, and he wants to get married again. Now, I don&#8217;t know if this is a situation where I should be flattered, because he&#8217;s following in my footsteps, but he has probably grown more than I ever possibly could have at the age that he&#8217;s at.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The lady that he&#8217;s with now is a good partner for him. He&#8217;s grown a lot through his relationships. My other son got married in 2000 is still married to the same lady. He&#8217;s been married for over 20 years. He&#8217;s got three beautiful children. And he&#8217;s steady Eddie, he&#8217;s that guy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So your children are going to interpret and they&#8217;re going to unpack what you teach them the best way they know-how. And what he picked up from me was to get help. And my oldest one I think did to both of them. And they both process their relationships in a different way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When you are trying to build relationships, it&#8217;s so important that you if you come out of a relationship that didn&#8217;t work out before you get into another one. You take a serious look at what fell apart in that relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>What did you learn? What do you now know about yourself about The world and about others in a positive light? Now I&#8217;m not talking about what did you learn in a negative?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">What Do Relationships Teach You About Yourself?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Because that&#8217;s ego, that&#8217;s all ego, that&#8217;s not spirit. But what did you learn about yourself? What have you learned about the world? And what have you learned about others?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>How can you now identify something you know, that you want, and you know, that you desire in a relationship that you weren&#8217;t aware of before, what I learned in this relationship was where I thought I didn&#8217;t want somebody that was as powerful as me, I now am so appreciating, I&#8217;m with somebody as powerful as me, there are areas where he won&#8217;t make decisions, I will and areas I won&#8217;t make decisions, he will, because it&#8217;s our wheelhouse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>We&#8217;ve managed to strike that balance, but it did take 20 years, just about 30 years. And sometimes you&#8217;re afraid of exactly what you need the most, I can tell you this, if you&#8217;re interested in having some chat, you can always give me a shout. If you&#8217;re interested, you and your partner, or if you are single, and you&#8217;re looking for a partner, I do a lot of coaching around relationships, and you can always give me a call, and we can have a chat about whether or not this might be an appropriate place for you to come and check out this style of work that I do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It&#8217;s very different. I&#8217;m not a psychologist, I&#8217;m not a psychiatrist. I&#8217;m a spiritualist, and I&#8217;m not a religious person. So I&#8217;m somebody that will actually meet you where you are, and try and bring you to where you want to be giving you the tools of self-empowerment, the tools of self respect the tools of enlightenment and be able to help you step into where you want to go in partnerships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You want to make sure when you meet up with somebody that they&#8217;re a match for you, but not at your dark side, in your life side.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Between my husband and I, we both have managed to come through some very difficult challenges. And we&#8217;ve made it together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I told him the other day, and he basically agreed, we&#8217;re, we&#8217;re in this for the long haul, we&#8217;re not going anywhere, he&#8217;s gonna be around until I&#8217;m no longer around or he&#8217;s no longer around. I mean, we&#8217;re not parting ways, it&#8217;s the way it is.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But when you think about where I started, where a lot of you might be in relationships, where you&#8217;re building or trying to build a relationship on your faults and your flaws, instead of your strength that can take you around so many times in different relationships and not get you anywhere.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So I&#8217;m going to suggest that you might want to start doing some list-making of appreciation of who you are your qualities.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Recognize where your strengths are. And do that before you sit down and start looking at the lessons that you&#8217;ve learned in various relationships because you want to make sure that you&#8217;re appreciating your qualities first, that has to be your first priority.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Until next time, thanks for showing up and listening and I&#8217;ll talk to you in the next podcast. Bye-bye.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Outro <\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Jennifer Gunson 32:55<br>Thank you for joining us in this episode of Medium Well With Psychic Sharyn Rose. Any links to books and other resources mentioned in the show are listed in the description below.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>To learn more about Sharyn and what she can offer you please go to sharynrose.com that Sharyn with a Y also invites you to sign up for Kitchen Witchin&#8217;s six-month workshop series. details can be found at kitchenwitchin.ca where you can register for the next series. It starts on November 1 registration is now open.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You can also contact her through Sharyn Rose Psychic Life Coach and Medium Facebook page. Please follow the podcasts on Spotify, Apple Podcasts and Google Podcasts so you don&#8217;t miss any of the conversations. Sharyn looks forward to talking with you next time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Transcribed by https:\/\/otter.ai<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Episode:2 Transcript Intro Jennifer Gunson 0:02Welcome to Medium Well with Psychic Sharyn Rose. In today&#8217;s episode, have you ever sat there and thought about the people in your lives, either [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1106,"featured_media":6799,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v20.8 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Ep: 2 Crazy Relatives And Bumpy Marriages - Why Bother? - Sharyn Rose<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/sharynrose.com\/ep-2-crazy-relatives-and-bumpy-marriages-why-bother\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Ep: 2 Crazy Relatives And Bumpy Marriages - Why Bother? - Sharyn Rose\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Episode:2 Transcript Intro Jennifer Gunson 0:02Welcome to Medium Well with Psychic Sharyn Rose. 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