Ep 11: Dealing With Jealousy In Relationships
Ep: 11 Transcript
Jennifer Gunson 0:02
Welcome to another episode of Medium Well with Psychic Sharyn Rose. Today we’re talking about jealousy. Are you checking in with, or checking up on your significant other when connecting? Jealousy is insidious. And when it rears its ugly head in relationships, well, they’re put to the test. What are some things you can do to stop jealousy from being active in your closest relationship with your significant other? Listen now while Sharyn shares her advice on jealousy.
What Is The Main Cause Of Jealousy?
Hi, and welcome back to another episode of Medium Well with Psychic Sharyn Rose! You know something, one of the things that has just really kind of piqued my interest over this last bit of time has been some of the emotions people have been going through. And one of the ones that seems to be one of the most destructive emotions is jealousy. And so the title of this particular episode is, Are you checking in with your significant other when you text or when you phone or when you just say oh, hey, honey, do you know where this key is? Or blah, blah, blah?
What Is The Root Of Jealousy?
What are you doing, and is jealousy part of the reason why you’re connecting with them in that moment? It’s important to understand whether jealousy is playing a role in your relationship. Because jealousy is one of those insidious emotions that can destroy people. And it can show up in so many different ways, not just in relationships with a significant other, or a loved one. It can show up at work professionally, it can show up, you know, with colleagues, maybe you’re seeing somebody who’s got the promotion that you really wanted, and you’re really professionally, you’re jealous of them because you don’t, you don’t believe they deserved it, you deserved it, and you want to be where they are. And be around possessions, jealousy around possessions, you see somebody driving a really nice car, and you’re jealous, because like, you should have that nice car, you deserve that nice car. Maybe jealousy of somebody’s status, or even jealous of somebody’s looks or, or their hair. And I have to laugh when I say hair, because I am one of those people that has super fine, thin hair. And there are these luscious people all around me with these locks that are thick and glorious and rich. If I was going to be jealous of hair, boy, I’ll tell you what, I’d be jealous of theirs. But that’s, but that’s the case for some people. They’re jealous of clothes, jealous of the way that people look or the way they walk or the way that they’re presenting themselves. So some people are just plain jealous of other people’s personalities. And you know, we can cross over a little bit here into the narcissistic personality who’s jealous of everything. Jealousy is what motivates a lot of times a lot of narcissism, but because they want what you’ve got, they want you to serve them not serve yourself. But and that’s stepping away from what I wanted to talk about. What I really want to talk about today is jealousy and relationships with partners. And I also want to talk about jealousy directed to you by another. Maybe it’s jealousy that you’re getting from a sibling or jealousy from a partner even, or a parent. That’s very common with mothers and daughters – jealousy from mom to daughter, or even from daughter to mom. Coworkers – personal, professional jealousy there as well. But when it comes to relationships and partners, intimate relationships and partnerships, jealousy can be one of the most insidious, dangerous emotions you could possibly experience. And let me tell you why.
What Causes Relationship Jealousy?
It’s simply because it will destroy your relationship, and it’s never based on anything that really is wrong so. So what really causes jealousy? Because you got to kind of know what is causing the jealousy before you can actually get into how to overcome it. And for me – jealousy – I’ve always had a real struggle with jealousy. I never really, I mean, not a struggle with it myself. Personally, I never was jealous of anybody or anything until I was cheated on by a significant other. And when he cheated on me, I was all of a sudden the red eyed monster came out or the green eyed monster or whatever you want to call it. And I was jealous. And then every time I saw him with another woman or talking, like talking to even somebody socially, I had a really difficult time getting past that. And I started to understand that it’ll had a lot to do with me. Really didn’t have a lot to do with him. But he triggered something in me. Because I had had people direct jealousy towards me. They were jealous of me in my particularly my work or in my relationship, or my personality has been a lot. But this was a situation where I was jealous of him, and jealous of every woman that talked to him, etc.
What Chemical In The Brain Causes Jealousy?
So what really causes jealousy? Jealousy, if you look at it is a conditioned response in humans, and it’s caused by feelings of lack something that was cherished. So in my case, the relationship that I had that I cherished and was thought was all mine. And then he cheated on me with somebody else. I felt that it was tied to my happiness that he didn’t cheat on me. So I felt like I lost something that my happiness depended on. What that was doing was, why was I tying my happiness to him anyways? Why was I saying, it’s your job to make me happy and secure in this relationship to him? Why was I saying that or doing that to him? And that’s one of the issues, that jealousy. So when you’re checking in or you’re checking up on your partner, it’s important to understand what are you doing? Are you checking in and checking up? Are you jealous? And if you are jealous, unpack it, and understand is there something that you’re demanding from them are asking them for, that they can’t give you? And you’re putting yourself in a position of vulnerability, because their ability to make you happy and provide security for you for the rest of your life is just impossible. That has to be an internal job – an inside job. So at the core of it, the jealousy is self protection, and fear. And when you’re doing anything based on fear, when you’re motivating anything, any of your actions, or anything that you’re doing on fear, you know, you’re heading in the wrong direction, because fear never gets you anywhere. So knowing that what jealousy really is, is putting all your eggs in one cart and sort of saying, hey, you know what? You’re, you’re doing these actions. I don’t know about you. But I have a great deal of respect for attractive people, I love to watch people who are well-groomed, who are getting along well with others who present themselves with charisma, I love all of that. I think it’s just great. And I admire it. If my partner chooses to also admire it, I shouldn’t be jealous of that, I should be okay with that. When a partner looks at a beautiful woman and says, what a beautiful woman, I should be good with that he’s not comparing her to me. And just because he sees her as being beautiful, doesn’t mean I’m less than. But if I’m a jealous personality, that’s the way I’m going to interpret it.
What Is The Main Cause of Jealousy
So here’s some ideas. Because you really want to get curious about why you’re feeling that way. And what is kind of go deeper into your feelings of jealousy, and your feeling of lack and resentment around anybody else’s attention, getting attention, and possessiveness, that will reveal to you the conditions and beliefs that are causing you to feel this way. And so the more you decide to not act out of it, in other words, act on it, the more these conditions will lose their grip on you. So you won’t be feeling lack, jealousy, resentment, and possessiveness. So with time, you’ll see that you’re not affected by them. And here’s some tools that you can actually bring to play. And these are tools that I actually use to get myself past this feeling of jealousy. And the problem with jealousy too, is that you can have a partner that cheated on you, three partners back, but be in a relationship with a current partner, he’s giving you no reason to be jealous of him, or her. And you’re you find jealousy running its ugly head because he works with this gorgeous woman, or she works with this really handsome guy. And you’re just kind of going, oh, no, here we go again. And yet they’ve done nothing, we’ve done nothing, it’s just residual from the old. So just know that if you’ve had experiences with a lot of jealousy in your history, you better get a grip on it now. Because you’re not going to, it’s not going to just go away, you have to deal with it. You have to sit down with yourself and become honest, and acknowledge that you’re feeling jealous, and that you’re fearful of losing something, or never getting something back. And once you’ve acknowledged that to yourself, you’re going to be okay, you’re gonna be able to let go of any need to suppress those feelings again. And that also you’re giving yourself the ability and the pat on the back for being human. And it’s okay.
How Can I Overcome Jealousy?
So here’s some tools that I recommend. If you’re dealing with jealousy, and you find yourself always checking in, or better yet checking up on your significant other, sit with the feelings and and let them speak to you. So when jealousy rears its ugly head, just sit with that feeling of jealousy. You know, you can do this with every emotion, jealousy. When you sit with that feeling, it just it feels like it’s just gnawing at you from the inside out. But sit with the feelings, the really hard feelings of jealousy, and let them speak to you. And notice what images, what ideas or thoughts that you think you’re supposed to believe that you’re being tricked into. Ideas and thoughts and images that aren’t real, but you’re jealously conceiving them, creating them. And you’ll understand that they’re fictitious, they’re not real, that you’re actually creating them.
Does Journaling Help With Jealousy?
Journaling is a really great tool and you know, me, I’m always talking about pen to paper – everybody take a pen to paper – that’s one of the best, best tools I can think of to defuse anything that’s particularly negative going on in your world. So by getting your thoughts in your, the stories, you’re telling yourself in your head, and the verbal conflicts between you and you, we’re having this argument the angel and the devil on your shoulder. It’s a great way to bring more awareness about your own world and see more clearly, the roots of your own jealousy so you’ll be able to see why you’re feeling jealous. What is it that’s causing it? I mean, maybe it is, you know, in my particular case, I had a partner who did cheat. Because of his actions, this really ugly emotion became a part of my reality. But I got past that by doing some of these techniques so that I didn’t have to bring that into new relationships. And because jealousy was not a natural state for me. But having jealousy directed at me, was a natural state. So I understood what jealousy felt like when it wasn’t deserved. Okay? And I think that’s why I was so aware that when I was jealous of him, because he cheated on me, I was really not jealous of him. I had become, clearly the relationship wasn’t working very well. And I had become very insecure. And so it was that insecurity that was causing me to really raise all my red flags that were going off, and I was my imagination started going over time. And you also want to know, when is my intuition kicking in too, I mean, when am I being intuitive here and when am I just letting my imagination go wild. And for some of us, our imaginations, and our intuition seem to be tied together. And they are, they are tied together to some degree. But when you become practiced, you’ll start to recognize the difference. Imaginations can go in a whole lot of negative directions. And usually intuition will kind of hold you to the higher levels. So pure light, pure love and all knowing is where you tend to want to hang out when you’re using your intuitive self. Intuition is not a suspicious by nature, intuition is not jealous, intuition is not angry, that’s your ego. And when ego is angry, jealous, suspicious, then that’s where you know, you need to do some work. So sitting with the feelings, journaling, getting your thoughts on paper, writing things down, see where the roots of your jealousy are coming from. And you know, it’s interesting, because sometimes we think we forgot about an old story, that old boyfriend or that old girlfriend that cheated on us, or hurt us in some way that created this jealous monster inside of us. And yet, in fact, we are hauling it into our next relationship, and we haven’t done any work. So what your fear is telling you write it down. When you give your feelings a voice, that really, really helps. So write down what the fear is telling you.
Does Meditation Help With Jealousy?
And another is meditation, is always so important. Meditation is really great. It can help you get into the practice of not acting out your emotions, or acting out your feelings, especially when they’re negative. And it gives space to your soul self. It gives space to the unconscious, you your intuitive you, your inspired you. And it suppresses emotions that are ego based, that are negative, that are toxic, that are just harmful. And it can help you notice how your body responds to these emotions, in terms of physical sensations as well. Because jealousy is just like anger or greed or frustration or overwhelm or depression. Jealousy is way down low on the emotional guidance scale, according to Abraham Hicks. It’s one of those emotions that can really actually can really implode. In fact, we’re going to be doing some talk – I’m going to be doing a series on relationships for the next 10 episodes – you might want to tap into those if you’re really interested in hearing about my perspective on relationships, because this is just my perspective. But I’m also going to talk quite a bit about narcissism. Jealousy is very much a trait of the narcissist as well. So it’s important to also on our unpacking what’s happening inside of you. You also want to unpack why you’re involved in the relationship in the first place. If there is jealousy involved there. And if someone is showing jealousy towards you – have you earned it? Like does this feel like something that is misplaced and misguided? And when you’re tossing jealousy out to somebody else, is it misplaced or misguided? It doesn’t really matter. Either way, you don’t want it to become a part of your reality. So you want to maybe you’re in a… maybe you’re in a relationship where there’s a lot of narcissism, and jealousy is just the way of the relationship. That’s unhealthy. Get out. You want to get out, but you want to be able to start to figure out why those feelings are there in the first place. Because even if you’re a victim of the narcissist who is jealous of everything, you’re also now becoming jealous, because narcissists will slowly turn you in to them. They want to steal your happiness, your joy, etc, etc, etc. So we’re gonna have a lot of fun talking about the narcissistic personality, and how to deal with narcissism. I’m not going to go deeply into the narcissistic personality disorder while I’m doing all of this because I think that requires a lot more mental training. I think that counselors on board would be really good with that. Maybe we’ll have someone come on and talk to us about the narcissistic personality disorder that is an expert in the field. But we will talk about narcissism and jealousy is a big part of the narcissistic behavior.
Ways To Let Go Of Jealousy
So the remedies again – sit with your feelings and allow yourself to actually feel the feelings by acknowledging them – and this happens in every emotion. By acknowledging them, you can find out what is what you’re being tricked into believing… what isn’t real. What is fantasy, what is all in your imagination? Journaling, writing stuff down how you feel, it diffuses it. You can jot it down, give your feelings a voice that really, really helps. Meditation – and that doesn’t have to be a long, you know, 60 minute meditation. Do it for five minutes. Sit and do what I also I call contemplation, just sit, you can light a candle – for somebody that doesn’t know how to meditate, this is a really, really easy exercise – light a candle, sit down, focus on the candle, visually, take a deep breath, set your timer on your phone for one minute. Know that for one minute, you’re going to do this exercise and then the world will still be there when you come back from it. And you’re only taking one minute – you got to give yourself permission to do this, because that’s why most people don’t meditate well. And then just focus on your breathing. Breathe in deeply, to the count of five, and out to the count of five. And you continue to do that while you’re focusing on the candle. Knowing that the time is going by and it’s you’re going to be alerted when you’re one minute is up on your alarm. And allow your thoughts to just relax. And what will happen is and then right after you’ve had this experience in meditation, it gives you the chance to notice how your body has been responding to jealousy, the emotion. And you can ask yourself the question, what do I do now? What is the best next move for me? Because you’re as close to your intuition as you’re going to get when you’re in a meditative state, but not asleep. You’re very tapped in tuned in turned on. And what you want to do is ask your intuition, How can I move past this? And listen, listen, because your intuition is not coming from a place of fear or ego. It’s coming from a place of love, and spirit. And it will give you the guidance that you need. So don’t fear your fears. Don’t follow, you’re down the rabbit hole of jealousy. And if somebody is directing jealousy towards you take a step back and try to determine for yourself do you want this relationship to continue on or do you not?
What Does Jealousy Do To A Person?
But primarily today, my concern is for you, yourself when you’re feeling jealousy? How do you deal with it, and know where the core of it is, where the source of it is? That’s one of the biggest things. And then take some steps to overcome it so that you can move on and move forward. Because let’s face it, folks, you didn’t come onto this planet to be your lesser than self, you came onto this planet to be your biggest best self. And your badass self. And you really want to step in and you want to take the power, and be in control of your own story in your own life. And you can’t be in control of your own story or your own life if you’re just being jealous, because jealousy is giving power to the other person or the people. And we’ll talk a little bit more, I mean jealousy, it does work it does. It does come up at work around people who have got a career advancement that you wanted, or envy around possessions, or jealous of other people’s status or their looks, or jealousy of yourself or jealousy of a sibling or…
How Do You Check In With Yourself Questions?
But again today – are you checking in? Are you checking up? And if it’s eating you up inside do something about it. We can talk a little bit more about jealousy and other aspects at the next episode of Medium Well with Psychic Sharyn Rose. Thanks for tuning in today. It was fun talking with you. I love this topic. I hope you love it too. And don’t be afraid to share Medium Well – share the podcast – because we’re brand new! We’re just getting out there and we’re really looking forward to doing a lot more. Thanks for tuning in! Bye for now.
Jennifer Gunson 18:21
Thank you for listening to another episode of Medium Well with Psychic Sharyn Rose. If you love hearing Sharyn’s stories and her advice, and want to work with her, all you have to do is go to her website, SharynRose.com. That’s Sharyn with a “Y”. And if you want to enroll in her next session of Kitchen Witchen, which of course is starting in the new year, January 3rd, 2022. Well registration is now open! You can find more information and how to register on our website kitchenwitchen.ca. Talk to you next time!