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Ep: 15 Narcissists Can They Be Good People?

Ep:15 Transcript


Jennifer Gunson 0:05
Welcome to another episode of Medium Well with Psychic Sharyn Rose. Today, we’re talking about narcissists in our world, our homes, our family, can they be good people? Or are they nasty? Join Sharyn in this episode as she delves into the world of narcissism in all its forms. Because relationships are so important to our species, it is vital we surround ourselves with people who love and support us. Can a narcissist really love you? Those are the questions we’re going to ask in this next episode, as well as do they support you? And are all narcissists destructive and mean? Let’s get started in find out from Sharyn, all about narcissists.

A Woman Taking A Selfie

Is It Possible For A Narcissist To Be A Good Person?

Sharyn 0:49
Hey, everybody, Hello, again, this is Sharyn Rose, and welcome back to Medium Well with Psychic Sharyn Rose! You know, I told you, we were going to be talking about narcissism. And I’ll tell you what, you do a little bit of research. And it’s a huge study, there’s so much information out there, some of it conflicts with others. So I am inclined – just like I was with the COVID, and the vaccine and all that – and to follow the science. I’m inclined to follow in this case, the world of the professionals who have been really doing a lot of studies with narcissism. And I do have some clients I’m working with, and I have my own personal experiences with narcissism. So, there’s going to be some stories, pebbles throughout the next two or three – this episode and the next two or three episodes. But for this one, I really want to focus on the basic 3 subtypes of narcissistic personality disorder. And that’s considered NPD for short. And this is being identified by Eleanor Greenberg, who’s a psychologist and she’s an author and a lecturer and she’s a consultant on narcissistic disorders. So you know, let’s go to the top. I don’t know everything about narcissism. And I really don’t know a lot about the various different types. I just know that a lot of different people have a lot of ways of identifying narcissism, but I like the way she does it. She also give some examples of some dating examples. So this would fall in for people that are just learning about narcissism. For those of you that are finding you’re in relationship with someone you may suspect is a narcissist. This might help you identify yeah, they are or they’re not. Because not all narcissists are nasty people. I know it sounds funny, doesn’t it? Just like we’re all psychic to some degree. Not everybody is is a psychic, the way I work is in the psychic field I every day, that’s what I do. So that makes me a professional psychic. But not everybody is a professional psychic. But everybody’s psychic. Everybody has the ability. Same thing with narcissism, we all have a tendency towards narcissism. And some of us are braggarts. We just like to tell everybody about all our accomplishments, and we’re harmless. Other of us just like looking in the mirror and making sure we look good. When we walk out the door. We’re really harmless. And these are not on the spectrum. These are not toxic in any degree. So let’s just get into them. There’s three basic types of she identifies with a narcissistic personality disorder, which is a diagnosed disease. Exhibitionist, a Closet and a Toxic. And she gives some really good examples. So we’re going to be really practical today. And we’re going to talk about these three, and how they’re identifiable. And then tomorrow, or next week, when you get the next podcast on narcissism, we’re going to go into more personal examples. And we’re going to break down each of these characteristics and break down into these particular subtypes into more so that you can, there may be somebody here that you just can’t identify. Because some of us have relationships with narcissistic coworkers, narcissistic parents, narcissistic friends, even narcissistic partners or children – narcissistic children.

Is It Possible For A Narcissist To Be Kind?

Okay, so here’s the way she talks about the Exhibitionist. She said, this is a group of people who come to mind when most people hear the word narcissist. And that’s what I was talking about the the braggart, they like to be the center of attention. Don’t misunderstand this, though. Not everybody that wants us to be the center of attention is is a narcissist or an exhibitionist, this is an extreme type, because for example, there’s a lot of people that love to talk on stage and teach. There’s a lot of people that like myself, for example, I love to teach groups and I love to work with people and I love to teach groups and, and and I like working on stage as well. But that could be identified as Exhibitionist in that regard, looking for admiration. That’s not really the purpose of me teaching is to my purpose is to pass energy, pass on knowledge. But an exhibitionist would be someone who likes to be the center of admiring attention. They like to dominate conversations, the ones that are always butting in and they feel entitled to special treatments. They act supremely confident like they’re just there’s no way they could be wrong about anything. They know it all and they enjoy telling people what to do. And now again, you’ve got to be careful here because bosses like telling people what to do, because that’s their job. They’re a boss because they earned that position. And they’ve got you and they want you to do the things the way they need them done. But these are people that like telling other people what to do when they don’t know what to do! Well, in most cases. And when they feel insecure, they use what Eleanor Greenberg refers to as the god defense – G-O-D – which is grandiose, omnipotent, and devaluing. So they put themselves up as they put everybody else down. When they’re not bragging about their own accomplishments, or they’re telling stories in which they play the hero. In many cases, or a starring role where they just are bragging, they insult and they devalue anyone who disagrees with them. Okay, so she gave an example of “Ted”. She uses the name Ted as an exhibitionist, narcissistic businessman, and he is on a date. Okay, I love this. This is why I love her work. She’s brilliant. (She wrote a book too. And I’ll tell you what the name of that book is at the end of my session today.) But Ted, the businessman, he goes on a first date with an attractive woman Sue, who we met through an internet dating site. And here’s how each of them described their date later. Here’s Ted. Oh, I really impressed her. I told her about how many important people I know. And I took her to a fancy restaurant. I ordered a fabulous dinner for her and I chose an excellent wine. She had never tasted it before. I can’t wait for the next date. She’s hot! Next time, we’ll end up at my apartment for the night. So this is her description of their date later… Boy. Was that a wasted evening? My date was so obnoxious. All he did was talk about himself all night. He didn’t even ask one question about me. Now remember, Sue is just a normal girl he met on the internet, okay? Then he insisted on ordering a steak dinner and red wine for me over my protests. I never eat red wine, or red meat. And the salmon really looked good. I wanted to try this peach and vodka cocktail. But he insisted on this special wine instead. That was how it was all night. Everything was when he wanted. If he ever texts or calls me again, I won’t bother picking up.

Can You Ever Trust A Narcissist?

So there’s somebody who was up close and personal with an exhibitionist narcissist, and who was not impressed and who walked away. So the next level is closet narcissist. And closet narcissists are uncomfortable when the spotlight is directly on them. They want to be special, but they’re conflicted. They don’t, they’re not like the exhibition narcissist, where they want to be exposed. They’re a bit more insecure. And they’re feeling vulnerable. They don’t feel like being the center of attention. They don’t really like that. They’re afraid that other people will see all their flaws instead. And so they find their ways to attach themselves to people, causes, religions and other things that they admire and consider special, then they feel special by association. There are people I know people who actually hang around with only wealthy people. They themselves aren’t extremely wealthy. They might be middle class or upper middle class, but they hang around with the most wealthy people they can get in the circle with. And they do it through activities like golf courses, or religion or sports is a great place. And they feel good by association with those people. Because if they’re wealthy, then they’re wealthy too. That’s the way they feel. And so they live for praise in the hopes that that, that they hope to get by working hard for the people, causes in groups that they admire. They’re insecure, they don’t want to call attention to themselves directly. And they sometimes try to manipulate the situation to get their way indirectly instead of being directly demanding. So they’ll sometimes play the victim or allow themselves to be used. They do not say, I am special. Admire me. They say, this is perfect and special. You should admire this.

Can A Narcissist Love?

Okay. Now let’s go back to the date with Ted and Laura. Ted is the one we met before. And he’s now met this girl Laura. And Ted, when he describes the date with Laura, he says exactly the same thing about his date with Laura as he did about Sue. Ted repeats almost the first date with every new woman and Laura responds as Ted is so wonderful. I can’t believe he wants me – he’s so masterful! I love that he took charge and ordered for me. How did he know that? I love steak and a good red wine. He’s so perceptive! Okay, so that’s an example of an exhibitionist. In two cases where he’s on dates with two different women. He hasn’t changed his behaviors at all. He’s exactly the same. He’s all about him. He couldn’t care less about the other people. The first girl is a normal average everyday person who says, Oh, this guy. Go to the curb. But the second girl Laura is a closet narcissist. So she will, by association with Ted as she thinks he’s fantastic. She, herself likes being associated with him because he’s so wonderful, and he’s so perceptive.

How Do You Know A Narcissist Is Toxic?

So let’s get into some of the toxic narcissists. These are the meanies of the narcissistic group. They’re not satisfied by being the center of attention. They want complete dominance and others to submit. Now they usually have a sadistic streak. They can enjoy hurting other people. They want you to obey and fear them. These are the ones that we hear about on the news, the ones that really do hurt people. This is very obvious when they present it in an overt form. So overt and covert – covert is secretly, overt is out in the open. The overt form, such as the classroom bully who terrorizes the weakest kid, okay? That is a toxic narcissist. A meanie, a bully. Or the boss that likes to angrily devalue a different person every day in front of the whole office. You screwed up again. What are you, an idiot? Or did you decide to get yourself fired today to get unemployment because you’re too lazy to work? Do you hear that? That is a toxic narcissist, boss, okay? They can also present more covertly. And these are people that are in positions of power in many cases, like policemen, even parents, okay? This is a great way that parents a lot of times, and relatives will be covert narcissists. They are toxic, but they aim to hurt. Alright, so for example, your sweet old aunt or your parent – you may have a mother who just comes across as the nicest person in the world until you’re behind closed doors or in front of the family, perhaps and she just uses words that make you very uncomfortable. They, your sweet old aunt manages to ask you embarrassing questions in front of the whole family that make you squirm. Why are you so fat? Neither your parents were fat as children, or, such a shame! You lost your job again, how many jobs have you lost – such a shame? Now that’s a covert narcissist. Whereas the boss in the previous example, and the bully at school, those are overt narcissists. And these are important terms to remember because there’s variations of each as well.

What Are The Red Flags Of A Narcissist?

So let’s use an example here. Ted and Mona. Ted, the Exhibitionist, had a first date with Mona a toxic narcissist, okay? Ted tried to do his usual first date plan. Here’s how the evening went. Ted: Let me order for you. I know you love it. Mona: (After taking a few bites of the steak and a sip of the wine.) It’s such a shame that really prime beef is no longer available and they pass off meat like this as prime. Please don’t feel bad. You’re not alone. Most people don’t know better because they’ve never tasted the real thing. This wine is not bad. I see why you might like it. It’s better than most.

What Are The Two Subtypes Of Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

The punchline here is there are 3 basic subtypes of narcissists: Exhibitionist Closet and the Toxic. And some people call the toxic type Malignant narcissist. Now when most people hear the term narcissist, they think of the classic exhibitionist narcissist, the braggart the, the person that is all about themselves. All they think about is themselves. All they talk about is themselves. Everything is all about themselves. And Eleanor says here, she says, I prefer James F Masterson’s term Closet narcissist to the term Covert narcissist because it’s more precise. And as you can see from the examples we’ve just used – someone can be a covert, malignant narcissist, if any of you saw Mommy Dearest – that movie with Joan Crawford – she was a covert malignant narcissist. Even the men she dated did not know that her children were being terrorized by her. You gotta to read the book, Mommy, Dearest, if you haven’t read it, and you think you might have a mother, that’s a narcissist. Because of my upbringing, when I, that book first came out, I, somebody recommended it to me and, and I went to read it. And I was… I couldn’t get through it. I was, there was so much in it. That was my story. I just couldn’t get through it. And I was absolutely amazed because that was the first time I ever understood. There were people out there who were exposed to the same kind of energies I was exposed to when I was growing up, when I was a child. So someone can be a malignant narcissist and be a covert behind closed doors and those people, people admire them out, out behind closed doors, or out in the public. They’re the upstanding citizens involved in every club, every border every… they work hard. They’re, they’re pleasant to everybody, but behind closed doors, they’re not the nicest people. Sometimes the distinction between overt and covert narcissist is in the eye of the beholder, so some people would see overt and covert differently.And that’s, these are the words of Eleanor Greenberg. So the book that Eleanor Greenberg wrote – she, now she is in private practice in New York City – and she wrote, she’s the author of the book, Borderline Narcissistic and Schizoid Adaptations. So you can look for her book and you can get an idea.

What Is An Example Of A Narcissistic Parent?

Here’s that here’s a note that was written in by a gentleman who, he’s talking about his father. And the question is, what was his experience as being the son of a narcissistic father? And his answer is horror. He says last year after more than half a century he found out his father is a covert malignant narcissist psychopath. Now they’re not all psychopaths – they’re still covert narcissists – but anyway, he says, I always wondered why my mom, my sister, and myself had so many problems with anxiety and depression. And in my sister’s case, cutting herself. My dad is well loved in the community and is constantly getting his picture in the paper, and being interviewed for being a thoughtful, caring citizen. Behind closed doors, he’s a sadistic, twisted man – I won’t use the word this guy used – that has made all of our lives, the complete nightmare warzone of emotional desolation. And all this while we were praising him for his kindness. If there is a Hell, he should be first in line. Now, this is a man named Douglas Frederick, who publicly has had a lifetime experience with malignancy and is still working through all of his working through all of the things that he’s tried to work through. From the experience he had with his narcissistic father. So many of you’re going to relate to a lot of this, especially if you’ve had any involvement with narcissism. We’re going to talk about the narcissist in the family, the narcissist, moms, the dads, the partners and we’re going to also focus on the people that are just in the world around us, because there’s no reason why we need to put up with them. And when you get into the malignant or the nasty meanies out there, you really want to be able to protect yourself. And if you’ve grown up with a narcissistic parent, you really do need to get some help. There is no way you’re going to make it through all by yourself. The first thing is to recognize and realize that you have grown up with a narcissistic parent who had a powerful influence on you. A narcissistic, malignant, I’m saying, okay? If you’ve got a parent that just brags about themselves all the time, no harm done. I mean, you might get tired of listening to them, yourself. And you might even have picked up some of their habits.


Anyways, that’s it for me today. And I hope you really enjoyed this, because as we go further in, there will be more information. So you might want to listen to this again and with pen and paper, and make sure you’ve got pen and paper for our next podcast. It’s Thursday. Thanks for tuning in. It’s been fun chatting with you. And I’ll see you next week. Bye bye.

Jennifer Gunson 16:42
Thank you for listening to another episode of Medium Well with Psychic Sharyn Rose. If you love hearing Sharyn’s stories and her advice and want to work with her, you have to go to her website, That’s Sharyn with a “Y”. And if you want to enroll in her next session of Kitchen Witchen – which of course is starting in the new year, January 3rd 2022 – well, registration is now open! You can find more information on how to register on our website, Talk to you next time!

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