Ep: 69 Are you Missing a Loved one over The Holidays?
Ep: 69 Transcript
Welcome to another episode of Medium Well with Psychic Sharyn Rose. Today we’re discussing whether you miss a loved one over the holidays. Well, Sharyn will discuss several options of things you can do when your heart hurts from losing a loved one during this time of year. Holidays tend to magnify the pain, and cancelling any celebrations is tempting. Before you do that, listen to the ideas Sharyn has that may allow you to make it a memorable holiday season.
Why are the holidays hard when grieving?
Hello again, and welcome back to Medium Well with psychic Sharyn Rose. Today, I want to talk about having lost a loved one sometimes at a point in time. In 2022, they were no longer here for Christmas, but they were here last year, and you’ve got kind of the holidays coming up, and you’re not sure how to handle the loss of your loved one, especially if there are children involved. And the other thing is when you have someone who has also lost a loved one, maybe you haven’t, but they did, and they’re essential to you in your life. How do you deal with the loss for them? How do you help them get through the holidays? What is the best thing that you can do? And there are all kinds of tips. Now, of course, as a medium, one of the things that I suggest, if you can, is to find a reputable medium. I know that sounds crazy, but mediums can help you reconnect with your loved one in spirit. And it’s not hokey. I am not usually the one who convinces people that it’s real.
What are the emotional effects of the loss of a loved one?
How do you spiritually connect with yourself?
My job is to validate life after life as a medium. That’s all my job is. It’s not any drama, none of that. And so what I do as a medium is, I work hard to reach for spirit and connect with them. And this gentleman, her husband, he was here—Johnny on. I mean, he was here. He was probably here before I was. He knew we were connecting. And spirit is very. There’s no past, present, or future in spirit, there’s just now, and he was right here. And there were so many things that he brought up that just had her gasping. And what that did for her gave her the peace of knowing that she was on this physical journey, and she had got to continue alone with herself and the kids without him. But he is with her in spirit and powerfully with her in the heart. And we doubt that because we don’t get to touch, see, or feel it. It’s not part of our physical reality.
How do you celebrate Christmas when grieving?
So when we lose someone, we feel like they’re gone. They’re just gone. That’s it. They’re gone. They’re not around. And he did some exciting things. For example, he commented on her being, and I told her he was referring to you as a small-town girl in a small-town world, from a small-town world, and it just really made her emotional. And she said, now, she had a shirt on, a hoodie on top of her shirt, and her hoodie was zipped up, but I wasn’t thinking about how she was dressed or whatnot. Remember, we’re on Zoom, and she told me my shirt underneath my hoodie says I’m a small-town girl. And he wanted her to know that he was legitimate with us by quoting that quote out of the mouths of the medium, right? It’s like, out of the mouths of babes, out of the mouths of the medium, things will pop, and you’ll be able to go, wow. Oh, my God, that makes so much sense! There were so many things that came up, and I can’t remember them all because, as a medium, I tend to let it all go, but that was a profound one for me. And there was also the way he came through with his name – it was pretty revealing. And he used a child’s game to come through with his name because I’m not very astute with terms. A lot of the time, sometimes I am, but a lot of time, I’m not. So I would suggest getting a hold of a medium. Now, if that’s out of reach for you and not something you can do, that’s fine. There are lots and lots of other things that you can do to sort of help yourself have a better holiday. So what you can do is you can purchase or make a personalized memorial piece that enables you to cope with grief. So something that you can hang on your tree or sit on your tabletop, or include in some way in your decorations for Christmas. And it means what’s happening here is there’s no schedule for grief, and there’s no schedule that fits everyone’s experience, and everybody grieves differently. So your suffering isn’t going to be the same as, in her particular case, his mother’s grief. She’s not going to be the same, and it’s not going to be the same. So she will have her way of grieving, and his mother will have his way of grieving. Uh, and of course, the first Christmas is the hardest. But every Christmas will have its twinge because Christmas days aren’t going by without your loved one. It won’t be like you’re just 30 years from now. You’re just going to remember nothing. You’re going to miss them. And sometimes the first holidays are a blur because you’re so busy trying to get through. Uh, one thing many people want to be careful of is not cancelling Christmas. Some people will say, I don’t wish to have Christmas; I don’t want to have Christmas. I don’t want to celebrate Christmas. Surround yourself with those you love if you can. Your children, brothers and sisters, cousins, friends, and the family you’re close to. Surround yourself with them so that you’ve got some people there who support you. And that’ll help you a lot, too. The other thing is, don’t put too many expectations on yourself when you’ve lost someone for Christmas. You’ve lost someone during the year, and the Christmas holidays are coming. You’re accustomed to doing many things with them, for them, or around celebrating the holiday with them. Don’t put so much on yourself that you feel burdened.
What does it mean to allow yourself to grieve?
It’s easy to assume that everything will go how it usually has, but it might not. And it’s essential to let go of expectations of what you could have and should have, and that accompanies continuing with the regular holiday tradition. So be honest with yourself during this time and create a holiday schedule with as little or as much activity that allows you to feel what you need. There is no right or wrong way to handle the holidays, and you are in complete control of your plans for what you will do during this time of year. So you must follow your agenda. Don’t try and fit your life and self into the schedule of others. Indeed, children will need that special Christmas you would give them if your loved one were there. But adults don’t go to their demands. Express your needs and let them know what you need. They don’t always know what to do, family and friends when you lose someone. And they don’t always know what to do when others are grieving, mainly when everyone handles grief differently. So take time to email and text or call the family you plan to see over the holidays and give them an idea of what you’re feeling and what your plans are so that they know what to expect and how they can best support you and how they can support you and help you. And if you prefer to talk about the one you’ve lost and share memories, let friends and family know that because you may prefer not to talk about them, and that’s fine, too. But give them some guidance so that they know. Now, the more you share with your loved ones, the more supportive they will be able to be for you, and the more they can be there. And if you’re running into unsupportive family or friends, walking away is okay. It’s okay to walk away. To put your needs first, ensure you do that, okay? Give yourself some time. As I mentioned before, there’s no set schedule for grief, and everyone’s experience will be different. So pause and listen to what you need, all right? Whether it’s stepping out to get some air and reflect after dessert, going home early, maybe from the family dinner, um, perhaps it’s watching an old movie that you used to watch together and crying, or deciding to stay home this Christmas instead of last year, going as you had planned. They know that you can create space to feel what you’re feeling. When you shed tears for a person lost, it’s not a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of a pure heart. So allow yourself to shed those tears that you need to clear. Okay? And again with a medium. A medium will often open that door so that you’re given the space, you’re given the freedom, and the medium gives you loving support.
How do I release my emotions?
How do you honor a deceased person at holidays?
Finding a trusted friend or family member to open up to can be very therapeutic. As I mentioned, share stories and talk to a professional suit. There are also grief support groups and grief therapists worldwide, and some of them might be able to help you, too. If you feel like you need some more substantial support, consider starting some new traditions. Something new that you’ve never done before. So, for example, if your old Christmas family traditions are too much to handle, or if you want to find a way to honour your loved one this year, start a new habit. Start something different. Like, for example, I had a gal who came to me. And it wasn’t a new tradition. It was an old tradition that they carried on, but a new person did it. Grandpa used to put Brussels sprouts in the toe of Grandma’s stocking. And when grandma passed, and grandpa passed, somebody else took it over, and they kept hanging the stockings and putting the Brussels sprouts in the toe of the stocking. For Grandma, it was a way for them to keep reminding themselves that she was a part of their story and that she was still there with them at Christmas. Ask everyone to bring their favourite memory of your loved one to share at the table, maybe at dinner. That could be pretty emotional. So you want to be careful with that. Or maybe even start the meal backwards. You can do that, too. That’d be a new contradiction. That’d be fun. That would suit me because I got a sweet tooth. So have dessert first. Pumpkin, pie and Christmas cake and cookies. Then the turkey and the mashed potatoes. You can write your thoughts down, too. Journaling is one of the most potent grief support systems you can find. Journaling through the sadness, the anger, and the deep emotions that keep coming up for you. It’s a great new tradition in itself. So you can write every year, take the time and have your journal as a reference to see how your experiences start to change over the years. It’s exciting because journaling helps with so many things, but with grief, it can be mighty. And you may decide to start a journal this Christmas, and you may keep that journal going throughout the year, not just having it at the holidays. There are lots and lots of different ways. As I said, make a purchase and a personalized Christmas ornament or embrace the good memories. Listen to or sing their favourite Christmas songs. One of the things about people that we all know is that there’s a certain level of music attachment in our world. Music is a big part of our stories, all of us, to some degree. And so you can listen to their favourite songs or sing them, watch their favourite Christmas movies and make memory wreaths dedicated to your loved one. Prepare their favourite dishes. In other words, their favourite Christmas cookie, maybe, or their favourite dessert. Or maybe when you make the gravy, remember how much they loved your gravy. Hang a Christmas stocking in their memory. That is very common, and I recommend that. I do. And you can hang that Christmas stocking and have everyone bring a Christmas memory and put it in the stocking. And then, as the stockings are opened, you can share your memory of that loved one. And you’ll have those memories in the stocking to honour throughout the year, and then you can enjoy them again next year. See how everybody is far. Everybody’s come. That’d be a fun tradition, wouldn’t it? Have a Christmas toast in their honour. When everyone’s gathered for Christmas, plan a toast to remember your loved one. And, um, if it feels like it’s too much, you can create a toast in your home alone to your loved one. There’s no wrong way to do it, but you can write something to share with the group to help you prepare.
How do I stop obsessing over grief?
Or, um, you can do it on your own, leaving an empty seat or a candle at the holiday table to honour them. I like the candle idea. I like lighting a candle in their honour. It’s a powerful feeling when you do something like that and has a specific intent. When David and I travelled to England, we had the opportunity to go to St. Paul’s Cathedral. And you can light a candle in memory of a loved one. And I had just come from the Arthur Finley Spiritual College and met David, and we were touring London. And so we each lit a candle in memory of his friend, who he missed, um, Randy. And doing that it’s one thing to talk about. It’s another thing to do it. And if you light a candle and put it somewhere where it’s burning every day through the holidays, or even just at the dinner table, you’ll find that can be exhilarating. And to make you feel like you’re not alone, you’re not alone. I, as a medium, will tell you you are not alone. Your loved ones are with you. I know they are. But that can help. Look at photos, of course. And that would be some of the memories you volunteer in their memory. So if you want to go and serve a meal at a mission or maybe join a Santa’s Anonymous or, um, go and do a little bit of a part of a day somewhere where you can volunteer for people who have less than you do, uh, in their memory, do it as if you were doing it with them. And let them support you through it, and you help them. Find a mission you know that they would have believed in supporting. So with that mission, you can volunteer this Christmas season. Know that you will get through it. I know you will. It’s not going to be easy. Sometimes it’s hard. But the small moments of pleasure, joy and gratitude this Christmas will be what you will cherish. And welcome those. And while they may seem impossible to find, they’ll always be there when you’re ready. Okay? Be patient with yourself. Feel whatever you need to feel, and take time for your self-care.
What is seasonal grief?
This holiday season, grief is cyclical. It comes in waves of intensity. And it also, as I mentioned before, it’s different for everybody. The holiday seasons seem to be a little bit more intense. But you are not alone. Keep in touch with your family and friends who want to help and encourage them to talk and share. And it’s not about getting over it. Grief is not about getting over it. It’s about learning how to live with it and doing what you can honor their life and the impact they made on you. Because remember, you are honoured to have had the opportunity to have travelled in this journey, this experience, this physical, earthly life experience with them for, uh, a period. And that’s where you want to try to go. If you can move away from feeling the loss into feeling the appreciation for the time you did have, that’ll start the healing process working for you and help you. You’re never going to forget, and you’re never going not to have a moment where you’re going to feel sad. That will be, but this might help you move through during the holidays. So on that note, I want to pick a card for you. I will like an angel therapy card, which I thought would be a sound card for today. And here’s the card that I’ve chosen. And this is from the angel therapy deck. Says, be willing to forgive. Ask the angels to clear your mind and your body of past pain in exchange for peacefulness. What a great card.
Thank you for listening to another episode of Medium Well with Psychic Sharyn Rose. If you love this podcast, we have one little favour to ask you. Please follow us on Spotify, Apple Podcasts and Google Podcasts. If you love learning from Sharyn, she has a few excellent ongoing courses. Why don’t you register for Kitchen Witchen? It’s on now. All you have to do for more information is going to Kitchenwitchen.ca if you’d like to book an appointment with Sharyn for reading, or if you’d like to know more about Sharyn her Psychic Services coaching sessions and more workshops, go to SharynRose.com. That’s Sharon with a “Y.” We’ll talk to you next time.