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Giggles and Chuckles Jan 2010

Giggles and Chuckles Jan 2010


I promise you cannot read these and

not laugh …..

These are real notes written by parents in the Memphis school district .

Spellings have been left intact…..

1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take PE today. Please

execute him.

2. Please exkuce lisa for being absent she was sick and i had her shot.

3. Dear school: please ecsc’s john being absent on jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32

and also 33.

4. Please excuse gloria from jim today. She is administrating.

5. Please excuse roland from p.e. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of

a tree and misplaced his hip.

6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was

hurt in the growing part.

8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by

very close veins.

9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

10. Please excuse ray friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

11. Please excuse Lesli from being absent yesterday. She had  diahre

dyrea   direathe the shits.

12. Please excuse tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea, and

his boots leak.

13. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

14. Please excuse jimmy for being. It was his father’s fault.

15. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because i

don’t know what size she wear.

16. Please excuse jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get

the sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it monday. We thought it

was sunday.

17. Sally won’t be in school a week from friday. We have to attend her


18. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a

weekend with the marines.

19.. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and

could not breed well.

20. Please excuse mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with


21. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.

22. Please excuse brenda. She has been sick and under the doctor.

23. Maryann was absent december 11-16, because she had a fever,

sorethroat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever an

sore throat , her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I

wasn’t the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something

going around, her father even got hot last night.

Now we know why parents are screaming for better education for our kids


My dear friend, a divorcee, never remarried, and her

daughter wanted to know why.

“The men I know would bring too much heavy baggage to the

marriage and I simply don’t want to put up with it,” she


Taking her mother’s hand in hers, my friend’s daughter

said sweetly, “I hate to break the news to you, Mom, but

you’re not exactly carry-on yourself.”


Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother’s

Day morning. As she lay there looking forward to breakfast

in bed, the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen.

But after a good long wait she finally went downstairs to

investigate. She found them both sitting at the table eating

bacon and eggs.

“It’s a surprise for Mother’s Day,” one explained, “we decided

to cook our own breakfast.”


The proud father brought home a backyard swing set for his

children and immediately started to assemble it with all the

neighborhood children anxiously waiting to play on it.

After several hours of reading the directions, attempting

to fit bolt A into slot B, etc., he finally gave up and

called upon an old handyman working in a neighboring yard.

The old-timer came over, threw the directions away, and in

a short while had the set completely assembled.

It’s beyond me,” said the father, “how you got it together

without even reading instructions.”

“To tell the truth,” replied the old-timer, “I can’t read,

and when you can’t read, you’ve got to think.”


OMG.... you didn't say THAT!!

One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot

as a Christmas gift..

The next year, he didn’t buy her a gift.

When she asked him why, he replied, “Well, you still haven’t used the

gift I bought you last year!”

And that’s how the fight started…..


I asked my wife, ‘Where do you want to go for our anniversary?’

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.

‘Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!’ she said.

So I suggested, ‘How about the kitchen?’

And that’s when the fight started….


My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we werere

in bed. I turned to her and said, ‘Do you want to have sex?’

‘No,’ she answered.

I then said, ‘Is that your final answer?’

She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying ‘Yes.’

So I said, ‘Then I’d like to phone a friend.’

And that’s when the fight started….


I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my

order first..

‘I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.’

He said, ‘Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?’

‘Nah, she can order for herself.’

And that’s when the fight started…..


My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to
200 in about 3 seconds.’
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started….


My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school
reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken  man swigging his  drink as
he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her , ‘Do you know him?’

‘Yes,’  she sighed, ‘ He’s my old  boyfriend…
I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and
I hear he hasn’t been sober since.’
‘My God!’ I said, ‘who would think a
person could go on celebrating that long?’

And then the fight started….


I rear-ended a car this morning… So, there we were
alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know
how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem
Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it… he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted,
So, I looked down at him and said, ‘Well, then which one are you?’
And then the fight started…



When our lawn mower broke and wouldn’t run, my wife
kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of
first, the truck, the car, playing golf ‘
Always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When
I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass,
busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the
house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed
her a toothbrush. I said, ‘When you finish cutting the grass,
you might as well sweep the driveway.’

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp